take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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