If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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