Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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