im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
