Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
