brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
