the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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