i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
