I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
