Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My cat gives me a boner
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
