Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
