Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
