I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
