my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
