i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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