Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
