Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
