if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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