haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
