You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
