mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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