apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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