i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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