Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
