Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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