She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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