dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
