It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
