I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
