he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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