Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
