We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
