does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
