this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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