i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
