Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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