at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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