your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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