I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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