I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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