I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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