When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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