I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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