you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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