I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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