Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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