my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
