So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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