My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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