I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
