I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
